Hi babies.
How are you? I'm good. Lonely and probably borderline stir-crazy, but alive, so I'll count that as a positive.
There is definitely a giant red "X" on top of the word "cheating" in most people's vocabulary, either because they've been cheated on or because they've seen cheating occur in a less than pleasant circumstance. It's also a given that most people who are unfaithful in relationships tend to be more lenient and understanding of cheaters. I'm not confirming or denying anything (yet), but here's why:
1. You love them. They love you. Why would you cheat? Because, silly, even in the best relationships - you're going to have bad days and you're going to question it. Some, if not most, people choose not to act on it - while others feel more inclined.
2. Sometimes cheating is just physical, sometimes it can even be emotional. 99.9% of the time it's because you don't want to give up on something with one person, so you "experiment" with someone else until you can decide who you're going to keep or until the thrill wears off.
3. Some people like having secrets. It lets them feel in control of their feelings, and often (but not always) it means they have very little emotional interest in the person they're cheating on. They like the conpanionship of another person, but ultimately it's just a game until the next interesting person wants to play.
So, this is my personal experience with cheating and what I think about the sudden influx of people obsessing over side bitches:
I have never knowingly been cheated on - emphasis on the word "knowingly". I dated a guy in high school and his name was... Just kidding, I'm obviously not going to use names, but we dated and it ended because honestly I got bored and started ignoring him. He broke up with me, finally, after me avoiding him for weeks - and I always had a suspicion of him cheating. It never bothered me, never crossed my mind for more than a second, because I literally did not care about him as much as I thought I would. He was a cool guy though. Other than that, no knowledge.
I, on the other hand, have never been so courteous. For me, it's always reason #1: they get sassy and I get distant. I never had a high tolerance for bullshit and was never a fan of confronting someone else's feelings, so I would just be the worst girlfriend ever until they fucked off. It worked 99.9% of the time, until I met my current boyfriend.
Anyway, back to the actual topic, cheating... So, did I do it? Well, physically, no. I mean, in one relationship I actually created a fake profile on facebook to convince my boyfriend at the time that I was hooking up with my fake-internet-ex because I just really wanted to break up, and again, I hated being the one to do it. It worked, but that didn't stop him from assaulting me right after. 0/10 do not recommend.
But emotionally, I feel like I've always kind of fucked off and let my mind wander other possibilities. I'm a sucker for wanting people I can't have, or always wanting the next best thing. I don't think all that highly of myself, I just always thought if I was thinking of someone else, why would I waste their time?
Last year, I came closer to cheating than I ever had and it took a chunk out of my soul to even consider it. 3 years isn't a lifetime, but it's enough time to settle down with someone and really bond with them as a person. He became part of me and as many "thoughts" as I had - I knew I was going to be faithful till the end of that miserable time.
We had been going through a really rough patch. I was all in, but he was the one having doubts. It became this back and forth battle of who's going to be the one to break a heart first... And he would always win. His indecisiveness got the better of him - and it took a toll on the better part of me. I started to have reoccurring feelings of emptiness, and I spent a lot of time crying and begging him to stay with me. I became weak and submissive, for no faults of my own.
I found myself constantly agreeing to his inconsiderate demands, until I decided to do something that I wanted to do and be damned if I let him stop me. My burst of confidence was short-lived as his crocodile tears in response to my new job at a stripclub quickly caused me to second guess things. We had been over it several times until he finally agreed to let me do it on a trial basis.
The job was a story of it's own, let me tell you, but I don't regret it and I learned a lot of things from working there. I wouldn't have a lot of the knowledge I have now because of it. In a way, it saved my relationship from the deep, dark place that it was in.
At this job, I began to meet different types of men and women. Confident, empowering women and men who just knew exactly what to say at just the right time. I met a lot of men. Even though my relationship was trash, I declined every invitation or date I was asked on, and never had a second thought.
There was one co-worker who had began showing interest in me and the more we started talking, the more I started to disregard my boyfriend. We started going on late night drives and talking about super personal things. I started to enjoy the company of someone who paid attention to me, instead of someone who seemed confused about committing to me at all. I wasn't trying to start a new relationship (he was in one as well) but I liked the attention and I liked the conpanionship. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but when my boyfriend's interest peaked, I felt more inclined to make him jealous. He started paying more attention to me, like ridiculous amounts of attention, when he realized I was starting to move on with my life.
I agreed to work on our problems, but my mind was already preoccupied with this new guy. I was becoming more vulnerable with multiple different men, even though I was supposed to be in a committed relationship. We were broken up for a week when I finally hooked up with this guy. He knew I had something going on because he went through my texts, but when I told him about this, it broke him.
He had finally started to experience the betrayal I had been feeling all along, but this tiny piece of information shot him in the face. This fight was constant, for months after, and he never seemed to get over it.
Let me be abundantly clear when I say this guy I basically cheated on him with was a piece of shit. I knew, because a lot of topics we discussed, I would silently disagree on. It didn't change the fact that a piece of shit who paid attention to me was still better than the love of my life who couldn't decide if he wanted me around.
So, you know, as far as side bitches go, I don't judge. I've been through some tough shit in my relationship and so far we're still standing. He makes an effort to do things for me and since that day he has never shown any signs of disinterest. He never lets us fight without making up, and he never tells me what to do and not do. I'm finally with someone I can trust. Do I wish that could've happened overnight without any of the drama in between? Of course. Point is, things worked out for us, and we know how to problem solve better than we ever have.
Cheating fucking sucks, I'll admit. Writing this got me a little angry and uncomfortable, but I definitely do have an understanding of what it really means to be unfaithful, so I'm sympathetic for couples going through the same thing.
I hope if this doesn't relate to you, that you at least have an alternate perspective to consider the next time you single out a cheating bitch hoe. If not, that's cool too.
It's 6 am and my head is starting to pound so I think I'll leave it at that.
XO
Dr. Pickles
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