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It started out fast. I found myself running instead of walking at a critical point where I probably should've just been standing still. Still, after crying it out and coming to terms with everything, a big part of me has changed.

I'm fragile, I'm worried, I'm insecure... But I'm also confident and empowered. It's the awkward straddling between more than okay but still falling apart. I'm in the middle of it.

You know when you think about an argument in your head before you say it out loud, and you feel like the most powerful person in the world? Well, for me, saying it out loud sounds like bullets to my picturesque reality that never actually existed. It feels like hearing something for the first time when it comes out of your mouth and not just floating around your brain. I have bruised and defeated myself, all in the name of an alternate ending. 

People always say if you want something, you should go out and get it. But is a "want" reason enough to give up your morals and/or dignity in the process? If you lose yourself to fulfill a temporary addiction - what does that make you? What does that turn you into?

And what happens if you also love the thing you want so bad? Does that make it okay, or even any easier, to give up a moral obligation? Or does that just make you desperate?

I guess I am well out of patience. I've been hurt, manipulated, betrayed, by the thing I thought I wanted most in this world. The cruelest irony of it all is that aside from all the misfortune I've suffered at someone else's expense - I still fall asleep with the same desires. I'm a different person with no sense of trust; just a broken heart and a lot of questions.

And him? He's probably falling asleep with his headphones in, continuing to wonder what went wrong, but ignoring everything around him while he does it.

Yes, the storm has settled... But suddently everything is in slow-motion.