I grew up into the Catholic faith without much of an understanding towards what exactly it was that I was agreeing to. But I was a child, for fucks sake, and I didn't know any better. I didn't know how to come up with my own conclusions. I didn't know that everything my parents and my priest was instilling in my mind had absolutely nothing to do with following a higher power, but rather obtaining dominance as an ignorant majority of bigots. These people calling themselves "followers of God" chose to deprive outsiders of free will and make them feel as though their lives were a mistake without instruction from the Bible in order to get some satisfaction about their own shitty decision making skills. This book, which was not meant to be taken literally, is their lame excuse to follow regardless of what instinct and morality tells us is right. I've tried multiple times to try and understand what Catholicism really has to offer, open-minded and without judgement, but I always end up with the same result.
Nothing about it is logical. Think with me for a second... We talk about children having imaginary friends, believing in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. What makes "God" different? The one thing we kept being taught is that the real believers are the ones who don't need to see to believe. This in reference to the passage in the Bible where Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead. When one of the people would not believe him, he showed them the wounds in the palm of his hands and feet. People claimed the man asking for evidence proved he didn't deserve God's grace, because a real christian would believe without having seen a damn thing. Isn't that sketchy? Of course we need proof! Without proof, it's nothing more than a children's fairytale. The fact that the church decides to shame those who question the realism of Jesus' battle wounds is a little bit ridiculous. It's like explaining to an 8 year old that your parents are the ones hiding gifts under your Christmas tree, not Santa.
And honestly, if you find some comfort in knowing a higher power is guiding you - then all the best to you. I'm sure one exists. My irritation with the Catholic church isn't solely what they believe in, it's that they don't know what they believe in and still choose to shove it down peoples throats. Reading the Bible doesn't make you a devout christian and going to church doesn't make you a saint either. Why is it wrong to want to be a better person without having someone else tell you what to do? As humans, we can tell the difference between right and wrong on our own. But this polluted atmosphere is what's creating room for ignorance and people only being able to believe what's written in the Bible, without consulting their own ability to think.
My parents are both Catholic (or so they say). They go to church every weekend, as if it makes a difference, and penalize me for not wanting to go. You know what I think it is? I think it's an image thing. They go there to socialize with the rest of my family and pretend we all have some bond of togetherness for an hour or so. Really though, my mom falls asleep about every single time or she's taking care of my siblings. She probably has no idea what she's even saying in half the prayers. Yet she comes home and preaches to me about how being Catholic changed her life and how it's important to go to church every Sunday. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture? And then my dad, who's a typical shove-my-beliefs-down-your-throat catholic, spends his time at church staring down my sisters and I, making sure we're "listening" to the gospel... As if anything in that outdated book is going to change my outlook on anything. He claims to have read the Bible and therefore is solidified by God in his faith... Sounds crazy, right? I'm sure his intentions are good but his closed-mindedness sure begs to differ. What is the Catholic faith really teaching you? Or are you just happy being identifiable with a religion that doesn't require you to think for yourself?
I know this all sounds judgmental but I was a Catholic for 16 years of my life. I used to be the one "praying" to get better while I was in the hospital and hoping one day I wouldn't be sick anymore. Then I became one with reality and thought, "wow, maybe I don't deserve this. Maybe it's not God punishing me for not going to church. Maybe I should stop letting people tell me that this was my fault... Because it's NOT." You know I honestly let myself believe that I was struggling with my health because God was punishing me? And then when I started to get better, everyone claimed it was their prayers that saved me. I remember going through hell, hallucinating, trying to kill myself, and having people tell me I was possessed by the devil. I'm a 15 year old, suicidal girl who just got diagnosed with a chronic illness, taking over 10 pills a day and you're telling me this is my fault? That this is what I have to live with because I didn't go to church? After I took time off to focus on my health, I realized that I didn't want to go to church anymore. That I would rather die with my dignity than be forced into something that I didn't believe in. You know how funny it is that I am, for the most part, healthy today than the hell I was in a year ago? That was reassuring to know that I was capable of being a good person, making my own decisions, taking care of myself, and not being punishable by God.
Yes, it's true that people can be saved by God if that's what they let themselves believe. And if it works for them, great. I will never stand for the morals Catholicism portrays, especially with my stance on homophobia. I don't worship anything. I don't want someone to be responsible for my life and my decisions. And if you're one of those assholes who can't respect my decision to exclude a higher power from taking control of me, then I have 2 words for you... HAIL SATAN.
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